I distinctly remember when I had to learn the value of forgiveness. It all started when I was a seventh-grade middle school girl. I was in a lot of clubs, cheered, and made some friends. Out of all the many friends, there was one who mysteriously started acting different one day. Before I knew it, she went from saying things every once in a while to using me as bait for her comic strip every week. The one girl I thought I knew like the back of my hand betrayed me. The underlying problem? It was all over a guy, a guy that we both liked but she was able to get. Even though the guy liked and dated her, she still continued to bully me.
A few years later, when we were in high school, she came limping into the classroom with dirt all over her clothes, barely able to talk. Some of her friends were helping her to the teacher to explain about the accident. The class began to burst into laughter as they tried to comprehend the whole case. I remember having my fair share in chuckles as well. When I got home that day, I could not wait to tell my sister what happened. I could barely get the words out of my mouth to explain the whole story. Before I could finish, she gladly interrupted me to say, “Dude, that’s not funny.” I was first taken back at how she just didn’t even try to listen to my story and how she must have forgotten how much this girl put me through. I remember thinking and trying to plead my case of how I was the victim in all of this. She sighed and said, “This is really not funny! I think out of all that has happened, you’ve never found it in your heart to forgive her what she has done years ago. I can tell by how much you couldn’t wait to tell me this story. You might want to start working on that. If not, you will always look for things like this just to feel better about the situation.”
My heart just sank. I thought to myself how she just made me feel so low after a situation that I didn’t even cause. I went to my room and thought about it and discovered, my sister was right. I never forgave this girl for all she has done to me. No, she has not apologized or tried to make amends. But that didn’t matter. I had to move on for myself.
This was the first of many times I learned how important it is to forgive. Someone will treat you so bad and will never think about it again but you may hold on to what they did for the next two decades. Are they struggling to move on or you? Yeah, I know it hurts to admit that to yourself.
The motto “Forgive and forget” can be a hard one to tackle. It’s not easy. Most of all, it’s hard to forget. One thing I’ve learned is to stop expecting things from the individual who hurt you. Why should you expect them to apologize or make amends if they hurt you? In other words, don’t look for an apology to start the forgiveness stage. You have to forgive them in your heart whether they make the first step or not.
I stopped expecting my bully to apologize. So, to find forgiveness in my heart for her, I had to think of things from her perspective. I eventually learned of her upbringing and some things that she struggled with growing up. I thought about how her home life was drastically different than mine. My heart began to weep for her and how there were a lot of things I grew up with that she did not. I came from a two parent household with an older sister (one who set me straight LOL). I had the opportunity to cheer and join clubs. Finally, my parents taught me the significance of a strong faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, something that has helped me so much growing up. There were a lot of things that I had that she did not have.
After comparing our lives, I thought about how she had a hard time expressing herself due to her upbringing. There were plenty of times when she made mean jokes during our friendship to disguise her current struggles. Of course, I was too young and blind to read between the lines. Now as an adult, I now see that those were little cries for help and a listening ear. Although there weren’t a lot of things I could have done to change things, I could have become a listening ear.
Finally, I turned all of my thoughts and emotions over to God. I told Him what was on my heart. I asked him to help me forgive her for all of the things she had done. Yes, all of this took time but I eventually found peace. I found peace enough to help her, pray for her, and wish the best for her. I knew I had finally gotten over it when I asked myself, “If I were to see her in the store in need of help, would I help her?” The answer is yes! If she needed help today, I would help. I made a promise to myself that no matter what, that’s what I would do.
Forgiveness can be a hard topic to discuss. When you discuss the actions, individuals, and situations, it can be hard to do. Every situation is different. We are all humans and we have human emotions. Whether you are the one asking for forgiveness or the one forgiving, take it slow. Think and consider the other individual and what they’ve gone through. I hope and pray that you find the peace in your heart to forgive. No it is not easy. Yes, it does take a while. At the end of the day, it’s something that needs to be done.
When was the first time you learned the value of forgiveness?
Topic of the Week Inspiration:
The topic of the week was inspired by the character Makaeli from the book, “The Lovechild.” The Lovechild was our book of the month for February. This book covered a variety of topics ranging from family secrets, forgiveness, and facing your past, all of which Makaeli dealt with. Makaeli discovered that after finally giving everything to God, it was easier to forgive her sister for the abuse. Things began to make a 180 as she found it in her heart to forgive.
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