Are #RelationshipGoals Healthy Before You Find Someone?

Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Snapchat can play a vital role in your day to day confidence. The mixture between the time you devote to social media also plays a hand in how you view your relationship status. You may like being single or you could be one of those individuals to suck your teeth in every time you see another engagement post. It all depends on your perspective.

My grandparents just celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary and my parents have been married for 38 years. So the question that often comes to mind is…”Are relationship goals healthy before you find someone?” Should you envision and plan out how your relationship should be BEFORE you finally settle with someone?

After much discussion and analyzing, I wanted to share four tips to help anyone else struggling with this same concept.

1. Don’t look at other couples and plan to have the finished product. We have all witnessed the Obama’s and their beautiful relationship. I’m not saying to forget them as good role models. However, you can’t look at different couples and make plans to have relationships exactly like theirs. Whenever you find that one, your relationship will be different. You have two human beings that come from a similar background or completely different backgrounds to share a life together. That will never be the same or even similar to another couple. Times have changed, people change, and the world around us change. It’s okay to look up to a couple but never try to plan to have a relationship like a couple. It’s easy to look at the finished product of a relationship but it’s different to understand the work, experience, sacrifice, and struggle the individuals to get to that point.
2. Comparing does not work for relationships as well. You will never be happy. Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Recently, I was convicted by a friend with the comparison speech. Trust, comparison is never good or healthy for you. You must focus on your own dreams, goals, and life. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A HAPPY LIFE LOOKING AT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS!
3. Make standards and have morals that will back up what you want in your relationship. This will force you to have more confidence in yourself and what you what out of a relationship when you’re dating. Once you hit the dating world, you will be more attractive in the eyes of the right one because you have your head on strong. No, not every person you date will like your morals and standards but that forces out the ones that you weren’t meant to have a relationship with anyways. Your values should be reflected in your relationship and that way you both can grow.
4. Unrealistic expectations can ruin your journey. Take it one day at a time. This does piggy back off of the last tip. Don’t have an extremely long list of what you expect. We are in a world full of people with different backgrounds, lives, and flaws. In other words, we’re all human. The person that you may settle down with could be someone you never would have dated 10 years ago. Remind yourself to be realistic and take it slow. Prince charming will not come riding on a horse to your house looking for that woman who fits that glass slipper. It’s sad to know that’s the truth but it is 😦

So, to the single twenty or thirty something year old sitting in her bed daydreaming about her wedding day, it’s normal and you are not alone. With much prayer, an open mind, and an open heart, God has a beautiful relationship in store for you. We just don’t want you to get so caught up in planning out how your relationship will or should be. It would be best to make goals together as a couple than before you begin your relationship. At the end of the day, when he comes along it will be different than you thought. It will be different than what you expected but it will be worth it!

Advertisements

I Did My First 5K!! Here’s My Journey…

Mind Over Matter

“I want to do a 5k,” this is something I’ve stated over and over again. There were plenty of times I’ve driven past parks and trails looking at the men and women walking and running focused as the sun shines above. I’ve noticed groups and different couples on their bikes, with strollers, or casually walking and smiling fully invested in their conversations. I’d always wish that was me but there was always this sudden fear that washed over me. I would begin making so many excuses like, “I don’t like people watching me when I exercise,” or “I don’t have cute workout clothes like they do.” Yes, I really did think that!

A trip to Dollar General changed my whole mindset. As I was looking through the wall decor section, I found this cute little framed quote that says, “Let your faith be bigger than your fear.” I’ve become obsessed with this quote. Between constant reminders of my favorite scriptures, I’d follow this quote behind my personal get it together talks. “You are a child of God. You are a wonderful, beautiful, brave, hardworking woman. You can do anything you put your mind too.” I said this every time I was scared or when the anxiety rushed over me. So my perspective of goals began to change. It was time to start putting mind over matter and start doing things.

Setting Goals

My 24th birthday was different than most. I wanted to start adding short and long term goals that would force me out of my comfort zone. I wanted to get out of the house more, take care of myself, and really strive to be better. I have the tendency to care for others but I like to run back into my little corner and hide. I was tired of hiding!

So I began to set goals like go one a vacation, start a motivation jar, and just have fun! After the start of the new year, I was determined to start putting some check marks down. I actually made my list smaller and put more goals that I could knock out sooner at the top. Doing a 5k actually wasn’t one of them.

The start of this journey began when I had my wisdom teeth removed. I know weird right? Years ago, I was supposed to have my wisdom teeth removed but I of course I was too scared. That was one of the first things on my list. So, upon planning and prepping for surgery, a cousin of mine was planning a 5k. As soon as I heard about it, I was super excited. Of course I wanted to support my cousin, but there was a problem, I had to train!!!

I kept thinking about how much time I had coming and decided to begin with a gym membership.

Preparation

I did countless hours of research over proper training for a 5k, downloaded just about every fitness app known to man, and upgraded my tracking device. I was so serious about this. I not only wanted to do a great job but I truly wanted to support my cousin with this event. So I decided to use the training method of increasing your mileage each week. I had approximately one month to get my body in the routine of walking 3.1 miles without getting too tired. I haven’t exercised in a months or years so I had to start from the bottom.

The start of June began and after healing from oral surgery, it was time to get into shape. I started on the treadmill the first few weeks and kept track of my progression on my phone. Each week I added 1-1.5 miles. Time sped by and before I knew it, there were less than two weeks left. I changed my routine to go a local park to get used to the weather, hills, etc. I was starting to feel good. I was never fast because I was walking of course, but I was making progression. I put in mind that as long as I kept moving this goal was starting to be within arms reach.

The Big Day

I set my alarm to  4:30 on the morning of the race. I was both excited and nervous. I took my bath, did my morning devotion, and began getting dressed. Everything was starting to go as planned except I didn’t get a chance to drink as much water the night before and I didn’t get a chance to get to the store to get my breakfast ahead of time. In addition to nutrition and hydration, between work and training, I never researched the location. So the morning went from sweet, calm, and peace to just to panic, rushing, and pure frustration. I was starting to regret everything because it was hard to get out of the house!

Things finally smoothed out when I used the audible google map that had me there in record time. It was around 7:50 by the time I could find a parking space, get registered, and attempt to warm up. I purposefully got in the back of the crowd because I was walking and didn’t want to be in anyone’s way.

So the race began and what a beautiful scenery of the police escorts and a large crowd of people all aiming for a goal. I was feeling great enjoying myself when all of a sudden, a rush of anxiety came. I started thinking, “What did I just get myself into? Look at all of those people ahead of you! I shouldn’t have done this by myself!!! I don’t think I can do this. What if I don’t finish? This is going to take so much longer than I thought!!!” and again “What did I just get myself into??” I soon discovered that between all of this doubt and not moving as fast as I wanted, I had to find a friend to finish this race. I didn’t have my earphones. I didn’t have my phone. I needed someone to talk to and encourage me along the way.

My prayers were soon answered when a lady, I call Ms. C was walking a feet away from me. She politely said, “I’m not going to try to compare to anyone else, I’m just gonna do what’s best for me. All that matters is that I finish this thing!” She said that at the perfect moment. I smiled agreeing and began casually talking as we began walking. Ms. C encouraged me along the way and we walked and jogged until the finish line. After finding a friend, the race went by so fast, I honestly couldn’t believe it. When the finish line was in sight, my heart started racing ten times faster. “I was actually finishing this race!” The closer we got, people began to cheer for us and encourage us to keep going. Before I knew it, I was running across the line with so much excitement. I actually finished!! This felt like a dream come true!!

Will I do it again?

So the question is…”Will I do it again?” Absolutely, as you can see by the first photo, my time was 53 minutes which included the two water breaks we took LOL. So my goals are to do at least 1-2 a year from now on and work on my time. I also want to work on running the whole thing. I was never a runner growing up and need to work on that!!

At the end of the day, this accomplishment showed me just how much mind over matter is true thing. Not only did I achieve a goal, but I feel encouraged to do so much more!

When Will That Person Ever Change?

You stop yourself ahead of time because you’ve been there before. Your blood pressure is starting to rise and your palms are beginning to sweat. The voice in the back of your head begins, “That’s just how they are. You are going to have learn to accept it and move on for goodness sakes!” However, in the front of your mind, you wish that, that individual would just change already!!

It could be a friend that you are always bailing out, a boyfriend that just can’t get it together, or a sibling that loves being a little too adventurous. Maybe your situation is deeper. Maybe you grew up with an alcoholic parent or a cousin that never grips the reality of life. Everyone has at least one person in their life that just infuriates them with how they are. You try to talk to them and it never works. You get frustrated with them but you love them so that you don’t want to lose what you both have. It’s hard, we know especially when it comes to that person being the one that you’re dating. But has it ever occurred to you that maybe that’s how he or she will always be? It’s hard to believe that but you must accept that person as is.

Will I accept them or cut them off?

As you sit back shaking your head wondering why or how you got into another mess or falling out with that individual, you must then decide to do one of two things. The first is that you will maintain a relationship with them and accept that this is how they are. If this individual drinks too much or is heading down a destructive path, try to get them the help they need. They may accept it or not. If they don’t then you must accept that as well. If you do, don’t complain, just try to focus on the good in them. Also, don’t spend so much of your time, money, and effort tagging along with them and their interesting plans. Just back away and support them from a distance. You can be honest and discuss that with them ahead of time so they won’t think your changing all of sudden.

Then, you can cut them off altogether. It may be hard but if that relationship or individual is really causing a lot of havoc in your life, then you may have to make that decision. No, that doesn’t make you an evil friend, family member, or girlfriend, it just has to be done. You have a life to live and if that person is holding you back, go for it. There are times in life when you have to do this and this may be one of those times. It’s all up to you.

Two things you can always do:

Whether you keep them in your life or cut them off, there’s always a couple of things you can continue to do. One is pray for them. Pray that God will give them guidance and wisdom as they move forward with their life. The second thing you can do is wish them well. If you’re on social media and see that he/she reached a great milestone, acknowledge that they made a good move and leave it be.

Understand that you can’t change anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own life. Yes, it’s hard to see someone heading down the wrong road. Yes, it is hard to watch a person with so much talent, love, and intelligence go to waste. However, it’s their life. They are the ones that will have to deal with the consequences of all of their decisions just like you do. It’s hard but you must accept it in order to move on. So what will you do? Will you accept the person and support from a distance or will you cut them off and wish them well?

5 Lessons I’ve Learned From Michelle Obama’s Book

Upon finishing Becoming, I have so much more respect for Michelle and all of the sacrifices she has made for her family. Don’t get more wrong, I have always, always admired Mrs. Obama but this book gives you more insight to the adversities she’s faced. Michelle’s autobiography covers a lot of topics discussed in the last blog, a review of the book. So, I would like to discuss five life lessons that I’ve learned from reading it.

She’s just like me!

Ever since I was a little girl, I loved school. I was always one of the smartest kids in class but never the top kid in the class. Michelle was just like me. She was always one of the smartest but there was always one or a few students that came before her.

I’ve always assumed that just because she was a Harvard law student, that she was the valedictorian of her class or the spelling bee champ. Although she was never at the very top, Mrs. Obama kept working hard to ensure success all through grade school and college. Her hard work is what made her successful. It didn’t matter that what number she graduated as. What mattered most is that she finished. This direct connection of always trying to be the best gave me hope of what I’ve lost sight of. It’s not about being the best but what you do to be the best that matters. Sometimes the journey is more important than the finish line.

It’s Normal to Feel Inadequate

“Am I enough?” is a question that Mrs. Obama said to have always asked herself since she was a girl. This same question followed her through her adult years including her time in the White House.

It’s easy to always assume that people in the spotlight are these confident, beautiful people who never have struggles but have everything imaginable. Yet, that’s not the case. I’ve learned that Mrs. Obama second guessed herself as a mother, wife, and woman in general. There were times when she felt voiceless or that someone was better. Growing up, I have questioned myself and felt the same way. It took time for me to realize that it’s normal to have this feeling. Realizing that Mrs. Obama has always struggled with this gave me the confidence not only to defeat it but to not beat myself up when I experience moments like this as well.

What You Do Now Will Help You Tomorrow

When reading about President Obama’s and Michelle’s jobs as young adults, I’ve learned why their initiatives were so effective during their years in the White House. Mrs. Obama has always had a niche for kids ever since she was in college. Education was always crucial to her upbringing and having that chance to help those fight for a better life through education is part of her life’s calling. This along with so much more is the reason why her and husband were so passionate about the different things they stood for. I remember witnessing the changes in school from her Let’s Move initiative with healthier school lunches and less vending machines. I also remember signing for my scholarship on “College Signing Day.” Their work wasn’t in vain. This helped to motivate me as I kick start my career. I’m always thinking how the jobs I keep getting aren’t helping me with career without realizing that they are. Stepping stones are important and I’m glad she magnified this in her memoir.

One Can Have it All

One of society’s hardest questions to answer has been, “Can one have it all?” Several people say yes and of course others say no. However, it is hard to find women and especially African American women to validate this point. It’s harder for us to build our careers, get married, and become mothers. Almost half of the African American women in the United States are not married. How do I know this? I’ve read so many articles over the years restating this same statistic. I’ve always been fearful thinking of the possibility of not having a nice career, husband, and kids. It also makes me sad that there’s a huge chance that I will be one of those women. Mrs. Obama gave me a little hope to see that one can have it all. She is an African American successful woman, wife, and mother. Yes she has had to make several sacrifices to have it all. However, her sacrifices are the reason why she has it all.

Enjoy Life and Take Risks

Finally, as a cautious and ambitious individual, it can be hard to push myself out there at times. Everything must be strategically planned out and organized to avoid the bumps in the road. Lately, I’ve come to the realization that I need to step out more and throw out the planner sometimes. I’ve learned that for Mrs. Obama to become Mrs. Obama she had to take risks. There was a risk of her coworkers finding out about her frequent outings with President Obama when she was a lawyer. She faced the many risks of losing her job at the hospital when she kept making adjustments to her schedule during his campaign. Of course, she faced several risks as the First Lady. In the end, a lot of her risks were worth it. I’ve learned that a lot of risks that I will have to face will have good and bad consequences but a lot of them will be worth it. If she didn’t agree to support President Obama on his journey to the White House, there’s a huge chance we wouldn’t know who she is today. There are a lot of things that could have happen but I’m glad she went for it.

There are a lot of life lessons I’ve taken away from this book but these five were the main ones that stuck out to me. If you need a good motivational read, please feel free to check out Mrs. Obama’s book, Becoming. This is one autobiography that will not disappoint!

Becoming Book Review

Official Book Description:

“In a life filled with meaning and accomplishment, Michelle Obama has emerged as one of the most iconic and compelling women of our era. As First Lady of the United States of America—the first African American to serve in that role—she helped create the most welcoming and inclusive White House in history, while also establishing herself as a powerful advocate for women and girls in the U.S. and around the world, dramatically changing the ways that families pursue healthier and more active lives, and standing with her husband as he led America through some of its most harrowing moments. Along the way, she showed us a few dance moves, crushed Carpool Karaoke, and raised two down-to-earth daughters under an unforgiving media glare.

In her memoir, a work of deep reflection and mesmerizing storytelling, Michelle Obama invites readers into her world, chronicling the experiences that have shaped her—from her childhood on the South Side of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work, to her time spent at the world’s most famous address. With unerring honesty and lively wit, she describes her triumphs and her disappointments, both public and private, telling her full story as she has lived it—in her own words and on her own terms. Warm, wise, and revelatory, Becoming is the deeply personal reckoning of a woman of soul and substance who has steadily defied expectations—and whose story inspires us to do the same.”

My Initial Thoughts:

I was elated to learn of Michelle Obama’s book, “Becoming.” I watched all of her interviews, read countless book reviews, and constantly kept watch of the book’s price. The book was so high when it was first released, that I had to wait months before I could afford it. Recovering college grad talking here. However, after reading this book, I was not disappointed.

Mrs. Obama separates the book into three parts; becoming me, becoming us, and becoming more. She reflects on her family, childhood memories, and what it was like becoming who she is in the first section. Her second section, becoming us emphasizes on her time dating and marrying President Obama, having children, and adapting to these new life roles. She then transitions her story into becoming more discussing what her family endured during the presidential campaign and her life in the White House.

This memoir covers a lot of ground including how she dealt with the death of her father,  infertility, her frustrations as a politician’s wife, and fears as a mother. The reader will quickly learn that in some point or another, she is human just like we are. She struggles with doubt and fears often asking herself, “Am I good enough?” This is one aspect of the book that really connected with me. Michelle illustrates this well in her book which gives the reader hope.

Her transitions from each chapter and each section are well written and smooth. Personally, I consider this as one of the best memoirs I’ve read because of her beautifully written descriptions. The way she describes her memories and thoughts are what draws you in as a reader. You will gain a better understanding of her perspectives and emotions by the way she depicts these different people and experiences in her life. For this reason alone, I put this book with Maya Angelou’s “I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing.” Dr. Angelou’s descriptive language allows the reader to understand, connect, and feel everything she went through. Mrs. Obama does the same which is why the book went by in a blink of an eye.

The Ending:

I’ve read a lot of reviews criticizing Mrs. Obama for her decision to help her husband campaign, quitting her job, and focusing on her family. Then there are others who have referred to this book as boring or calling her boastful. Personally, I do not agree. I loved the book from cover to cover. I couldn’t put it down. This memoir will make you laugh, cry, get angry, and enjoy learning more about Michelle as a person. I found that she is so relatable. She thinks, doubts, and struggles with ensuring her voice is heard just like everyone else.

I also think her large vocabulary is also a why so many people criticize this memoir. She uses a lot words that leave you with questions forcing you to google them. I feel that, that’s expected from a sophisticated, hard working woman with a law degree. If more people will approach this book from understanding that this is an expression of her life’s perspectives and just listen to what she has to say, their thoughts would change. Just as people loved her speeches and everything she stood for while in the White House, they need to approach reading why she believes and thinks the way she does by giving the book a chance. Almost half way through, I quickly realized that all of her and President Obama’s initiatives were a direct reflection of all of the things they did and stood for at the beginning of their careers. This is why this novel is so valuable. Because anyone who remembers and witnessed their work will have a deeper understanding as to why they worked so hard to achieve what they did.

Recommendations:

I highly recommend this book for any fans of Mrs. Obama as they get a chance to understand her highs and lows. I also recommend this book for any college grads, young girls, and women in need of some hope and motivation to keep going. This memoir will leaving you feeling hopeful of the future, yourself, and your life as you connect with hers. It’s obvious that passion and countless hours were put into this book making it worth every moment.

Thank you Mrs. Obama!

 

Katt’s in the Cradle Book Review

Synopsis:

“When you’re in the trenches, sometimes you’re up to your neck in mud. That’s the not-so-glamorous life of a pastor’s wife.

Felicia’s family is…complicated. That’s putting it nicely. Now they’re flying in from LA — all at once — to stay with her…just when her brother-in-law, Javier, and Mama aren’t even speaking to each other. And the whole church will be there to witness the feud.

Mimi has a lot on her mind with her four energetic kids — especially Milo the screamer, with his Pavarotti voice. Then her live-in alcoholic dad starts to mow their lawn at midnight.

Lisa has her hands full with loudmouth Tom Graves and the other troublemakers at Red River Assembly. Then vicious rumors start to fly about the Barton family…and the attacks and threats get increasingly personal.

Jennifer is pushing her adopted daughter, Carys, in a stroller, when she notices a black town car — the same car she’s seen several times over the past week. Could someone be following her?

The PWs plunge into an unnerving mystery…and discover what “family” really means.”

My Initial Thoughts:

Katt’s in the Cradle is the third book to the “Desperate Pastors’ Wives” book series by Ginger Kolbaba and Christy Scannell. Each chapter is based on a different character’s life. For this reason, many readers may struggle with this book especially during the beginning because it piggy backs from the first two novels. The problem is there are four wives, Mimi, Felicia, Lisa, and Jennifer. This can be a bit confusing when you’re trying to keep up with who is who and every situation.

This was my second time reading this book and I still struggled keeping up. I suggest that authors give a short review of what occurred in the previous books and that will give readers a way to keep up with the “happenings” of each character. Any new readers will be able to get a good background on every character and their experiences before diving into the main plot.

Besides the abrupt beginning, I love this book with a passion! Kolbaba and Scannell take you on a roller coaster ride through the lives of these four women. Readers get an exclusive behind the scenes look into the lives of pastors’ wives which becomes a true testament that pastors, their wives, and their children are human just like everyone else. All of these women are not only spouses, but mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, and Christian women who come face to face with the harsh reality of life. Their secret meetings held once a month at Lulu’s Cafe gives the book an extra edge in addition the tension that rises within each household. The authors cover all grounds from infertility, difficult family and church members, facing your past, abandonment, and more. We will put this book in our faith booster category because it is powerful yet hopeful for any reader going through any situation.

The Ending:

Upon diving into the plot and every dramatic turn in this book, the reader will be hooked into what will happen. This is a book that you are forced to finish because it is just that good. As the book continues, you receive answers to all of the burning questions you ponder from the beginning. This is another reason why this book is so powerful. Both of these authors collectively worked together to really move the story. They don’t waste your time giving you pages upon pages of cliffhangers and details. You get a chance to unlock the history of each individual which provides answers and meaning to who and what they become as individuals. For this reason alone, this fictional yet beautifully written novel gives a reader a chance to reflect on their personal experiences, grow from them, and acknowledge that one cannot change everything or everyone. Life has to be accepted as is to move forward. Each of the women and their families reflect this life lesson causing for a bridge to lie between their experiences and their happy endings. I was pleased with the ending of this book/series. Actually this book is so good, I could see this as a nice series for PureFlix. It is clean, dramatic, fun, interesting, and entertaining.

Recommendations:

I recommend this book for any pastors’ wives or daughters of course. It will give you a chance to reflect on your personal life and understand that it’s okay to have struggles and a past. It doesn’t matter what your congregation thinks of your situation. What matters most is that you are growing or have grown through that situation. I also recommend this book for mothers to relate to the struggles of these mothers. No, motherhood is not easy but you are doing an amazing job at it. Finally, any Christian or non Christian woman that is looking for a great read to give them hope, this is for you! This is one novel that will leave you with “ahh” feeling upon the ending. Most importantly, there will be at least one individual that will tug at your heart because their situation is so similar. So check this book out today!!!

5 Life Lessons We’ve Learned as PK’s aka Preachers’ Kids

If you’ve read our last blog, you understand that there are a lot of things that children of preachers and pastors go through on a weekly and monthly basis. It’s different than being the child of politician where the child must press through the duration of their parent’s term. Unless the individual is elected again, the uptight, structured, and press filled lifestyle will slow down. PK’s don’t have this luxury because our role never stops or ends. Our struggles continue as adults (which is why we are writing this blog). Even when we drift off to our own careers, callings, and families, we still struggle with the reservations of what society or “church folks” will think.

Here are five life lessons we have for preachers’ kids.

1. Your life is your life. It’s about God’s calling on your life not your parents’

This goes for anyone out there growing up in the shadows of their parents’ pastoral careers. A lot of guys may experience this more than girls but just because your father is a pastor does not mean you have to be one too. It’s all about what GOD calls you to do. If you feel that the Lord is leading you to follow in your parents’ footsteps, then absolutely! However, there are a lot of parents who force their children into ministry and that’s not how it works. Ministry is about what God wants for us and His will for our lives. This is one industry that carries a lot of weight on your personal life, family, and outside career. Your life is your life. Whatever God has for you is for you. You can’t make anything happen that He doesn’t want for you. So, please keep that in mind if you are going through this dilemma.

2. You must find an accountability partner/prayer partner to help you get through life

A lot of people in the church assume that preachers’ wives and children don’t go through hard times. We smile, give hugs, and pray for everyone else and it seems like we have everything together but we don’t.

Find a good accountability partner/prayer partner that will help you through any and all seasons of your life. This is a serious role. You must find someone that is trustworthy and one that will not go out telling all of your business. You need someone that you can confide in and trust. This can be anyone from your parents, siblings, best friends, church mother, whoever you feel can really help you during your darkest days.

There are lot of things that can be “tempting” to say the least. You may want to sneak out of your parents house, go to a party with drinking, or have a “wild” night with your boyfriend. This is where your accountability partner must step in to get you straight but also guide you. So, this person has to be mature and strict enough to help you get back on the straight and narrow. Temptation will happen to the best of us. Remember, you are human as well.

3. You will make mistakes too

There are a lot of us that may feel pressured to be “Perfect Patties.” Eventually, we become fearful of everything or just want to break loose and rebel. It’s normal to fall short. It’s normal to make mistakes. This is why you should have that accountability partner to get you in line when you have these moments. Yes, people will talk about you and you will feel like your mistakes are magnified for the world to see. They may even remind you of what you did. So, what! EVERYONE, I MEAN EVERYONE makes mistakes. The only person that was perfect was Jesus and that’s why He became the living sacrifice for us all. Never forget that. You are young and you will want to live. You will have regrets over some of those of moments and they will turn into life lessons for you. That’s the point!! You will learn from those mistakes and hopefully lead and guide others before they do the same.

4. Don’t post everything

This is one is specifically for our youngsters out there. Don’t post everything. The last thing you want is a paper trail of all of your disrespectful posts and inappropriate pictures. If you feel some type of way about the church, your parents, or what you heard others are saying, DON’T POST IT! This will be fuel to the fire. Instead, find someone to talk out your frustrations to. Now regarding the inappropriate photos, this is just safety here girls. You have a future to look forward to. You don’t need a paper trail of nasty language, disrespectful posts, or nude photos of yourself. Just because you delete it, doesn’t mean it’s gone. Finally, you may think that your stuff is private but it’s not. There’s always someone lurking around or even following you on social media and can’t wait to tell your parents. Yes, it’s true, your parents will find out eventually so just don’t do it.

5. Be proud of yourself

Being a preachers’ kid requires a lot. You have every right to be proud of yourself and all that you’ve learned and gone through. You did not ask to be born into this family. God appointed you to be in this family. He specifically designed you for it. You are doing a great job. Yes, there will be times when you wish you didn’t have to do this. Yes, you will feel pressured and restricted. You will feel like your life is in a fishbowl. You will want to stay home sometimes and wish you could do whatever you want to do. Yes, you will make mistakes, Yes, you will be forced to suck up all of your problems to put the needs of others before yourself. Yes, you will want to cry and be mad at the world or even your church sometimes. Being a PK is not easy and you are doing a great job. You are surviving. For this reason, you have every right to be proud.

Keep it up.

Keep encouraging others.

Keep seeking God.

Stay focused on His word.

Keep praying.

And never lose hope.

---

Topic of the Week Highlight:

This weeks topic of the week was inspired by our book of the month for May, “Katt’s in the Cradle” by Ginger Kolbaba and Christy Scannell.  Although this book unveils the lives of preacher’s wives, we decided to share what is like for the pastors’ daughters since we have firsthand experience in that field. Stay tuned for our review of the book.

Chronicles of a Pastor’s Daughter

The weekend swiftly drifts by as Sunday morning has arrived. The sun is beaming through my purple lace curtains as the sound of the birds are softly chirping outside of my window. Although it may seem peaceful with all of the wonderful sounds and scenery, I find myself tripping over my own feet trying to find my other shoe. “Come on let’s go” my dad says grabbing his tote bag full of bibles, hymnals, commentaries, and Sunday School books. The smell of perfume diffuses through the hall from my mom’s room and my sister’s phone starts singing in the distance. This is the average Sunday morning for me as a pastor’s daughter. It’s difficult, chaotic, and sometimes discouraging trying to get out of the door. The church my dad pastor’s is about an hour and 15 minutes away. So, our morning as a family can be quite hectic. Getting out of the house is only the beginning of the many responsibilities I face as a pastor’s daughter.

A lot of people simply forget how much work the first family puts into the church. Instead, there’s an overload of criticism as to what the family must do to make the church better. One thing I would love for more members to do is ask how we are doing. I wish there would be more people to give my dad encouraging words sometimes.

We endure a lot as a family and the road can get rocky behind the scenes. Now that you’ve gotten a little background into the life of being a pastor’s daughter. I would like to discuss some problems we face on a regular basis.

1. Assumptions-There are a lot of assumptions about preachers’ kids. We are “known” as the rebels, the worst children, and the “fast ones.”

We would love for others to get to know us before quickly stating these assumptions as soon as we mention our weekend. These generalizations are simply not true. If you do know of any preachers’ kid that may act out, talk to them and try to understand what they are going through. There a lot of things that we are face but no one opens the door to our hearts to get a better understanding. These assumptions can be hard to deal with especially when it comes to dating. From a woman’s perspective, a lot of guys think they know what we think and how we feel about life, dating, and sex. This is not true. Please listen when we speak. We want to be heard as well.

2. Perfect Pattie- Either you are a goodie or you are a rebel.

We are seen as the perfect Patties from those around us. One must understand that there is a lot of pressure as a preachers’ kid even as an adult. Every time we make a mistake or do anything, we are constantly thinking “If someone I know is here or what they (church people) might say.” This can be hard when you want to live a little. I don’t mean run free but if you want to just do your own thing sometimes that fear can stop you from having fun. We are so consumed with maintaining this image our parents have instilled in us that we can’t be ourselves. A lot of people don’t understand how there are a lot of times we have to put on a face for the public even when we are sick, upset, depressed, or just tired. Of course, the members are more than welcome to express how they feel and make mistakes, but we are not. It can be hard especially for teenagers which is probably why a lot of them do act out. There are so many restrictions that bind us from the parental pressure along with our Christian duties.

3. Sharing -As the first family, part of our duties is to tend to the sick, grieving, hurting, etc.

Although this is part of our mission and duty, it can be draining. There are times that our parents are forced to choose between spending time with us or tending to the pastoral duties. Vacations are pushed back, plans are canceled for emergencies, and weekends are devoted to traveling several weeks in a row. There can be a lot of wear and tear on the family. As a result, more is given out than getting put in.

4. Church 24/7

As a pastor’s daughter, there are days when we are sick, tired, in school, etc. However, the criticism that comes with Sunday skip outs can be a lot to deal with. There are lot of times we have to deal with different remarks when we arrive the following Sunday. We do our best to fulfill all of our duties and it would be appreciated to cut us some lack.

Also, as adults, we naturally drift away from following our parents as much as when we were kids. Depending on the church family, it can also lead to a lot of criticism. Discussions over our lack of responsibilities, attendance, and more doesn’t mean we are no longer Christians. There are simply days that we attend other churches and look into starting and working with our own ministries.

As you can see, there is a lot that comes with the territory. Yes, we enjoy the journey, our church families, and the love and support. However, we are human as well. We are young and we will make mistakes.

For the church members, support and encourage your first family. They are the first ones to arrive and the last ones to leave every Sunday. They have their own personal struggles, heartaches, and dark seasons. Yet through it all, they are still putting the church and her members first. Embrace them even when they fall short. Pray for them and help them on their life journey as well.

For the pastor’s daughters out there, keep the faith and it will get better. You will go through different seasons when you feel discouraged and like everything is falling apart. You are still loved and have an amazing purpose. It’s okay to take breaks. It’s okay to get tired. It’s okay to feel less than but remember you are more than. Next week we will give you some advice and encouragement.

---

Topic of the Week Highlight:

This weeks topic of the week was inspired by our book of the month for May, “Katt’s in the Cradle” by Ginger Kolbaba and Christy Scannell.   Although this book unveils the lives of preacher’s wives, we decided to share what is like for the pastors’ daughters since we have firsthand experience in that field. Stay tuned for our review of the book.

Healing Hurts…

Spreading God's Love One Heart at a Time

For some time now, the Holy Spirit has constantly whispered the words, “healing hurts” to my spirit. I heard it but it never really hit until I was faced with the depth and reality of these two powerful words. These two words can be filled with stories, pain, and more. The authenticity never hits until the story officially begins.

The past week for me has been interesting to say the least but good. Last Thursday morning I was rushed to the ER for an uncomfortable but not life threatening medical issue. After the nurses and doctors did what they could, I was later sent to an ENT who resolved the issue hours later. The following day, I was scheduled to have oral surgery and it has been a journey ever since. Thursday alone was a lesson for me. It truly taught me that there’s a process for healing and to…

View original post 1,205 more words

“I Desire…to be Desirable”

We know what you’re thinking. You just walked into the local Wal-Mart and it seems like it’s Valentine’s Day again. You see this guy and girl holding hands as they walk to the car. Another couple hugged up in the frozen foods section and an expecting couple looking through baby clothes. “Let me get out of here” you think to yourself.

We’ve been there, we understand exactly how you feel. The desire to be desirable can be a struggle. One that so many people simply don’t understand especially if they are always in a relationship. However, the desire to be desired can really impact how you perceive yourself including your personality and attractiveness. You begin to second guess everything you do, how you dress, or even how you connect with others. Why do we do this to ourselves? We become so obsessed with relationships and finding the right one, that we start to ignore our own traits that make us amazing to be around. We begin to put on a façade to be “attractive” or “better.”

Why is being single perceived as a negative thing? The assumptions of “I don’t have someone so I’m not attractive” or “I’m still single so that means I’m not fun to be around” are simply not true. You’re single because you’re single. That doesn’t mean that you are ugly, boring, or undesirable. That doesn’t mean that nobody wants you. There are a lot of times you don’t encounter people that you really connect with. Whether you are in school, working, or go to church on a regular basis, that doesn’t mean that the perfect one will walk through the doors, look you straight in the eye, and say, “You’re the one!” Yes, it always seems this way in different movies, shows, and books and we quickly assume that this is how it is always supposed to be. Yet again, this is not true.

There are three things we want for you take from this blog.

• Learn to embrace your personal values and traits

Embracing your own traits and values will make you more attractive in the eyes of “the one.” When you find someone, they should appreciate you, for you. The way you carry yourself including your traits, beliefs, and confidence are what makes you unique. Dating will be easier when you know what you want out of the relationship and know who you are. Do you want someone that can have an intelligent conversation? Or do you want someone that is more adventurous and will add spontaneity to your life? Maybe, you’ve noticed that you are a little sheltered and appreciate the simple life. Well, would you like someone that will force you out of your shell or someone that will kick it with you on the weekends? When you think about dating and being desirable, you must consider your likes, dislikes, and boundaries. All of this unfolds from your traits and values. So, make a list and think about it now before you meet someone and find yourself at crossroads.

• Don’t accept any and everything out of desperation

So many young women, girls, and older women find themselves accepting anything just to have something. PLEASE DON’T DO THAT!! A guy that never treats you with respect, cheats on you, talks down to you, and abuses you has to go. You are a beautiful gift to this world. You must appreciate what makes you, you and accept you for you. You are a treasure and you must find someone that will treat you as such. You are better than that. Most of all, YOU DESERVE BETTER.

• Handle your personal insecurities and remember you are loved

When you start dating, you must remember that all of your personal insecurities will be magnified once you begin this relationship. If you are not confident in yourself, it will show. If you compare all the time, it will show. Take advantage of the time you have to work on yourself. So when the right guy comes along, you will be more confident and prepared to begin a relationship.

And if you don’t remember anything else from this blog, please remember that you are loved. God created you. He loves you. He loves you so much that He sent His son, Jesus to die on the cross for all of your sins. That’s how treasured you are. You are that important to Him. Don’t use the likes on Instagram, your relationship status, or comments to validate you. You are perfect just the way you are. We all have things that we must work on which means that nobody is perfect.

You are perfectly imperfect!

Yes, it’s hard to look at everyone and their boo thang on Facebook or your sibling talk about their recent date.

Yes, it’s hard when you see five thousand couples in Wal-Mart.

Yes, it’s hard when Hallmark has their June wedding series of movies.

But it is okay and you will be okay. Because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. The right one is around the corner but you must be patient. Focus on God and making a better you and you will find that it is not the end of the world. You are amazing!

---

Topic of the Week Character Highlight

The topic of the week character highlight is in honor of Zeely from the book, “Songs of Deliverance.” This book was our book of the month for April. Zeely is a woman who finds herself seeking validation through her love life and motherhood. She desired to be desirable so much that she went to a fertility clinic to get pregnant and didn’t tell her fiancé about it. After tragedy hit, she battled with her own insecurities and found that having a fiancé and becoming a mother did not help her heart. She had to go back to God to move forward with her past hurt and regrets. Then she was able to find love and live her life. Click here to read our review of the book.