Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Snapchat can play a vital role in your day to day confidence. The mixture between the time you devote to social media also plays a hand in how you view your relationship status. You may like being single or you could be one of those individuals to suck your teeth in every time you see another engagement post. It all depends on your perspective.
My grandparents just celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary and my parents have been married for 38 years. So the question that often comes to mind is…”Are relationship goals healthy before you find someone?” Should you envision and plan out how your relationship should be BEFORE you finally settle with someone?
After much discussion and analyzing, I wanted to share four tips to help anyone else struggling with this same concept.
- Don’t look at other couples and plan to have the finished product. We have all witnessed the Obama’s and their beautiful relationship. I’m not saying to forget them as good role models. However, you can’t look at different couples and make plans to have relationships exactly like theirs. Whenever you find that one, your relationship will be different. You have two human beings that come from a similar background or completely different backgrounds to share a life together. That will never be the same or even similar to another couple. Times have changed, people change, and the world around us change. It’s okay to look up to a couple but never try to plan to have a relationship like a couple. It’s easy to look at the finished product of a relationship but it’s different to understand the work, experience, sacrifice, and struggle the individuals to get to that point.
- Comparing does not work for relationships as well. You will never be happy. Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Recently, I was convicted by a friend with the comparison speech. Trust, comparison is never good or healthy for you. You must focus on your own dreams, goals, and life. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A HAPPY LIFE LOOKING AT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS!
- Make standards and have morals that will back up what you want in your relationship. This will force you to have more confidence in yourself and what you what out of a relationship when you’re dating. Once you hit the dating world, you will be more attractive in the eyes of the right one because you have your head on strong. No, not every person you date will like your morals and standards but that forces out the ones that you weren’t meant to have a relationship with anyways. Your values should be reflected in your relationship and that way you both can grow.
- Unrealistic expectations can ruin your journey. Take it one day at a time. This does piggy back off of the last tip. Don’t have an extremely long list of what you expect. We are in a world full of people with different backgrounds, lives, and flaws. In other words, we’re all human. The person that you may settle down with could be someone you never would have dated 10 years ago. Remind yourself to be realistic and take it slow. Prince charming will not come riding on a horse to your house looking for that woman who fits that glass slipper. It’s sad to know that’s the truth but it is 😦
So, to the single twenty or thirty something year old sitting in her bed daydreaming about her wedding day, it’s normal and you are not alone. With much prayer, an open mind, and an open heart, God has a beautiful relationship in store for you. We just don’t want you to get so caught up in planning out how your relationship will or should be. It would be best to make goals together as a couple than before you begin your relationship. At the end of the day, when he comes along it will be different than you thought. It will be different than what you expected but it will be worth it!